The niece I was making the wedding announcement for will not talk to me. She invited me to her wedding but would not invite my husband or my son. I did not agree with it, especially when she told me that she felt like my husband would "bring the party down."
When I told her that I wouldn't come unless he was invited she seemed to understand even though she seemed upset.
My family history is all about hurt and lack of communication. I live out of state and am usually left out of everyone's life. I've made efforts to reconnect with my nieces after they grew up. My sister disowned me because I wouldn't back her up with her own self-induced karma after her daughter was murdered by her stepfather. Since then, so many family members have picked sides and my son and I have been left out in the cold way too many times.
I've tried to mend the years lost and explain that I didn't abandon anyone. I was able to locate loved ones through Facebook. I am still made to feel as though I am the guilty person when I was cut off. I made it a point to text and/or call once a week to keep up with their lives but I'm still shut out. I have since the end of August stopped my efforts and have had no contact with the few family members who say they love and miss me.
Does it hurt? Yes but I think that over the years I've become somewhat used to it all. I can't force them to accept me or my husband, although the last time we were together I made sure that her partner was included in our family photographs. Never in a million years would I invite someone, especially family, and tell that they can't bring their spouses/significant others with them.
I feel like I've lost my nieces all over again. I want nothing more than to be included in their lives and have them included in our lives. No one ever visits. Every time I've seen any of my family we've had to drive out of state to them.
Am I wrong for feeling/thinking the way I do? Is there something else that I could try? My heart aches for them, my son, and for myself.
I have spent countless hours designing and cross stitching a gift that is not wanted. Not only not wanted but she won't even communicate with me about it. So the picture is going into a drawer. I'm hopeful that one day our relationship is repaired to the point that she will accept me and mine. I'm just not holding my breath.
What a loss--for them. My son (then a toddler) and I were very pointedly not invited to my SIL's wedding so I can empathize exquisitely. However, things have come to light over the years and we've mended some fences (LOL--reclaimed the sister even when I ditched the husband. . .) so I don't know that the analogy helps. I don't know that yours is a situation that can be salvaged--SHOULD be salvaged. You deserve better. Your husband and son are awesome and your biological family is obviously toxic.
ReplyDeleteEmphasis on YOU DESERVE BETTER. Your are the author of your own story and this part is obviously not working. Rip out the pages, run them through a shredder if you need to, and focus on writing the script the way you want. Yes, it is weird to write off family members, but once you do it I think you'll find the guilt is soon overshadowed by the relief and lack of drama.
Hopefully, someone random (work? neighborhood?) gets married and you can whip this piece out of the drawer, finish it in a hurry, and get it out of your life--and your head--for good. Hell, finish it now and sell it on eBay, auction it and donate the proceeds to a favorite cause. Just don't let it fester.
It's them, not you. Really.
Jeanne thank you for your kind words. Someone told me today that you have family and you have relatives. It's up to the other person which they choose to be. I am happy to say that I have more family members (some not blood related) than I do relatives.
ReplyDeleteI don't feel right getting rid of the picture yet. I'll either get there or I won't. For today I'm fine with putting it away for a while. I am very personal in the pictures that I make for people.
Maybe things will mend, I don't get the feeling that they will. The world is full of selfish people.